Nothing Left To Lose
by Kylara Kitsune
Summary: I was nineteen when I met him, nineteen when he changed my world forever and made me who I am today.


**AN: You know they're not my characters, I just play with them. Inspired by "Nothing left to lose", by The Pretty Reckless.**

Looking back at it now, I still wouldn't change a thing. People said I made a huge mistake, still say it now, but I don't agree. Can't agree with them, when it changed my life and made me who I am today. Perhaps that's what they mean by it; now I'm not the good girl any more, won't just blindly do what's expected.

I was nineteen when I met him, and I fell hard and fast. Love isn't the right word for it, it was simpler than that, raw and passionate. Lust. That's what it was. I'd never met anybody like him before, we'd never had the rock'n'roll bad boys where I grew up, I'd never seen the tattooed biker rebels that liked to hang out near the university. I was nineteen, naive, innocent in the ways of the world, and I wanted him like I'd never wanted anyone before or since. I was nineteen and dating my childhood sweetheart.

Our eyes met and that was that. I still remember it vividly, those green eyes with the tattoos underneath. The way he looked at me made me want something more than what I had, made me want something other than my predictable relationship with Sora. He made me feel as though I'd finally grown up, that I wasn't a child any more. I was on my own in the coffee shop, it was late afternoon and I'd just finished the day's lectures. He slid into the other seat at my table as though he belonged there, a steaming mug of coffee in his hand.

"Hey, baby."

"Don't call me that. I'm Kairi." That, as they would all say, was my first mistake. Allowing conversation to happen.

"Axel."

I have no idea what we talked about, can't remember that at all. I do remember throwing caution to the wind and accepting a ride on his motorbike back to my apartment. I didn't live with Sora, let me make that clear. A Destiny Island upbringing means you just don't do that kind of thing. So, not having anyone else in my home made it all too easy for us to get carried away.

The first kiss was like... I don't know how to describe it. Like starting a fire, I suppose. A fiercely burning fire that can only leave devastation in its wake. Clothes flew across the room, with no thought as to where they went. I later found my bra in a vase of flowers, a sock that definitely wasn't mine in the remains of last night's dinner, and my panties hanging artfully from the end of the curtain pole.

For six months, I just couldn't get enough of him. I started missing lectures so I could spend more time with him; I skipped a tutorial the day I went to get my ears pierced and my first tattoo done. I never even thought about it, that's how badly I'd fallen for this guy. Sora and I broke up; a bitter, public scene that ended with me screaming something about how at least Axel wasn't afraid of touching me and didn't consider it inappropriate. Sora called me a whore, and I slapped him.

It was six months of new experiences, amazing sex, being scared out of my mind and enjoying every minute of it. Six months that I will never forget for as long as I live.

Then what happened, I hear you ask. He got bored. Corrupting an innocent girl ten years his junior had all been a game to him and it was time for him to find something new, someone new. There was no huge fight like there had been with Sora; Axel simply left one day and that was that. He'd gone for good. I never heard from him again, never saw him around the town. Rumour has it that he moved someplace else, and I wouldn't be surprised to find that was the case.

As for me, I either had to start handing in some essays or get kicked out of the university. Simple choice, really. I'd worked my backside off to be allowed to go in the first place, so I started working again.

But some things you just can't undo. I wasn't the innocent Kairi any more. And everybody else would just have to learn to deal with it. I know now that Axel and I were never meant to be together forever, we were just too different. However, I'm grateful to him for making me what I am today. I don't care what others think of me any more, and I'm better able to stand up for myself. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it, and that's why nothing you do is ever a mistake. Maybe you wouldn't do it again, but that means you've learned something.


End file.
